Wednesday, 3 July 2013


So far this week has continued to progress well. I attended a Pilates class (by myself may I add) and another Yoga lesson. This time I didn't feel like such a newbie. Still couldn't bring myself to say Namaste at the end though. I also booked my overseas trip to Indonesia - 3 weeks to go AND found myself a friend who is joining me for the last 2 weeks of this trip, very excited!!

So as I continue to progress on my easier goals - I am still no closer to creating any writing to sell or earning an extra income. I was however thinking today about how I am focusing on new things to improve my quality of life, but this also forced me to review other things - silly, awkward, embarrassing things that I simply cannot change about myself no matter how hard I try.....

The first is my ability to be ready with plenty of time but just as I am about to leave the house find a million distractions that simply cannot wait. Let me give you an example - today for yoga I wanted to leave the house by 12 and was ready at 11.50. I had nothing to do so decided to go into town early and post one of recent eBay sales items to its new owner. As I head downstairs I decide I need the loo, so naturally, go to the loo. Then I have a slight thought that maybe left my hair straighteners on (I know I haven't), so run upstairs and check that they are off. They are - phew! I then decide to turn all my plugs off at the wall (why not save those extra pennies). Done. I then decide to look in the mirror - big mistake! I pull out my hairband and retie my hair - it looks exactly the same. I plug my GHD's back in and run them over my fringe - it looks exactly the same. I turn the straighteners off when I realize I am going to the gym and do not need to look good, I grab my bag and head downstairs. Shit did I turn them off? Run back upstairs - yes I did! Oh need to turn them off at the wall again too. I'm locking the door behind me when I remember the TradeMe item to post, run back upstairs grab the item which is next to my open laptop - ooh an email, not sure what possess me to think that this cannot wait, open email, read email, about to respond when I remember I am heading out. It's now quarter past - I've wasted 25 minutes, need to rush to Yoga and have achieved nothing, epic fail!  I also do this often before a night out. I'll be standing at the door for 10 minutes yelling at Phil to hurry up and just as he goes to walk out the door I will think of a handful of things to check or do. I can imagine how annoying this is, however I am now starting to find his calculated frustration quite amusing, bad girlfriend!!

The second habit is more of a disorder. Its very rare and so far I have only met one other person who suffers with the same condition - Arm Tourettes. It mostly occurs when I am drinking wine, I can be chatting away to friends, or sometimes a complete stranger, when out of nowhere my uncontrollable hand throws the entire contents of my glass at either myself, or more often than not, directly in the face of the poor person standing in front of me. The embarrassing part is this happens most of the time when I am stone cold sober. I don't know what it is that causes the unexpected spasm, neither do I know how to cure myself from this terrible hindrance, but at least I am coming clean - I know there is a problem and beg for guidance from anyone who knows how to overcome this curse (and please don't say stop drinking wine, I'm not sure that is even possible).

There is another 'disorder' I suffer from, and although the above is extremely embarrassing, this one is just damn right cringey. For as long as I remember, every now and again I have the most horrific tendency to produce a small amount of saliva that flings itself (just like the wine) at poor unprepared people mid-sentence. Randomly there is only a couple of friends that notice this, or potentially only a couple of friends who have the guts to point it out. I blame it on my nationality, being Welsh the accent causes a lot of tongue rolling and emphasis on words. Its not my fault - its hereditary. As I mentioned there are only a selected few that feel they know me well enough to stop me mid-story, in front of others and proclaim "Jazz, you just spat at me!!!", I know I have done this, I am just praying that there is enough respect that everyone ignores it - like when a severely old woman drops a fart on the bus - its awkward, you want to laugh but know its better for everyone, and the poor lady's dignity if you just ignore it. There was one time, however when dignity could not prevail. I could hide my shame and keep this story to myself (and the few people I share my few dark secrets with) - but where's the fun in that? About 3 years ago I decided I needed to hire a new manager at work - someone to help me on the ground - working with all my employees in the immediate area, providing them with much needed support, and basically lightening my work load. I was pretty new at interviewing at this point and also had minimal guidance on advertising (due to a lack of a HR team at the time). My average job description and poor means of advertising the role returned only a few applicants and being extremely eager to fill the role (I have now learned to hire slowly) meant that I was a little too enthusiastic to find a suitable candidate. On my final interview of the day I sat in front of Claire, she was well presented, smart and funny and keen to re-enter the workforce after maternity leave, unfortunately she had zero experience in sales or management, in fact I have no idea why I was even interviewing her.  I set about asking the standard questions "what do you know about our company", "what skills to you have to bring to the role" etc etc when five minutes later, suddenly, out of nowhere, in super slow motion I saw the slightest bit of spit travel from my lips at a painstakingly slow pace towards her face, God No, please don't see my saliva, look away look away, too late I could see her eyes following the white foamy matter, this is so awkward, but nothing could be as awkward as the next second when my flying ball of saliva landed slap-bang in the middle of her mouth, settling directly on her tongue. Oh Shit! What on earth do you say when you spit into a persons mouth during an interview? What can possibly save your pride and self respect? In my case the only words I could possibly muster were "I'm so so sorry.... I just spat in your mouth..... erm if you're keen I would love to offer you the job." What a fucking joke! I have never been so mortified in my life, nevertheless she took the role and 3 months later resigned to work in a bank - much better suited to her personality and skills and likely she now has a manager that doesn't spit in her face.

The last reflection I had today was my annoying habit of mentally trash talking anyone that I do not overly like but cannot avoid. Now I need to mention there are very few people who I dislike in the world, and even fewer who I see on a regular basis. However on the odd occasion that this happens the little devil pops into my head and forces me to replace what they're actually saying to what I wish them to be saying. There is a particular hairdresser (she's not my hairdresser but works in the same salon) who slept with an ex of mine a few years back. We were still together at the time so I have a particular dislike for this person. I'm not even sure if she knows who I am but whenever I walk into the salon and she is behind the desk I really struggle to hear anything she says. She can smile and tell me I am 5 minutes early and to have a seat, read a magazine and would I like a coffee.. instead I hear "I am dick, I am trailer trash and have 6 children by 6 different men. I am terrible in bed, I have extremely hairy armpit  and I actually suffer from terrible B.O" I know at this point I am staring and cocking my head to the side because whatever she actually says is followed by a confused look, a shrug and a moonwalk into the back room where she hides until I am safely tied up in my black poncho and seated firmly in a chair. I need to note that I do not hate this woman and I'm not angry at her for her actions (in fact the cheating became a godsend because now I am no longer with the selfish, lying, cowardly arsewipe) but I was so upset and blamed this particular person for quite some time that disliking her is something I just cannot stop. As I said this happens with very few people but my inability to hear their actual words and replace them for fantasy talk takes over every time - and not to mention probably makes me look like a dick.

I'm quite aware of how much I am currently sharing but I am hoping that you are getting a sense of my personality and the slight things that take up my time on a day to day basis. These unlucky traits above are just to prove that everyone is slightly odd in their own unique way. In order to work on improving these area's I'd have to stop drinking, talking or going out anywhere!! At least I am aware of these god awful habits and can now shrug and simply think of how everyone has their own problems....

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