Friday, 28 June 2013

Small Steps

Its been 3 days since I publicly announced my goals and so far as well as inspiring others I am definitely feeling more alive (so to speak).

My meditation is going ok, just ok. I have been doing 10 minutes a day for the past 8 days. My brain is not getting any quieter but I am actually enjoying the time out and sitting still focusing on my breath and my thoughts.

The yoga is what I am most proud of. Yesterday I went to a class, I was super nervous and a little bit terrible. I can barely perform any of the excruciating moves and my weeny arms were shaking like they were about to crumble to dust. I had to keep turning round to see what everyone else was doing, therefore often losing my balance. I did not know how to perform The Warrior, Warrior 2, Dancing Warrior or whatever other warrior he was instructing us to be, but I tried and survived.  If I am totally honest I  even enjoyed it, especially at the end (although at the end you are cuddled under a blanket with your eyes closed just being still - that part was easy)! I do have to concentrate hard when everyone comes together and chants "Namaste", it takes everything I have not to laugh out loud. I don't know why I have the urge to burst into laughter when this happens but I do, so I need to focus and improve in this area. Then, as if it was a sign, today 5 yoga classes on Grabone. So I grabbed one. I've also been starting each morning with the following stretches   The journey to understanding and learning yoga has began.

Other than the yoga I have failed miserably at the exercise this week, attending only 1 boxing class. Instead I have been stepping up and down on my bookshelf holding 2 x 2kg dumbbells - I get bored quickly and stop so next week I am committing to at least 3 boxing classes! I have also failed to progress on goals 4, 5 and 6, but as they say 'one step at a time'.

Other things I have done to step out of my comfort zone:
 1) I turned up at my partners sister-in-laws house unannounced (whilst he was at work) asking to borrow her 18 month old daughter as an excuse to go the Winter Festival dog barking competition with someone (I never turn up alone, or unannounced). This may not sound like a big deal but I had written the text to Phil, "Please will you text and see if I can borrow Ruby this afternoon", and stopped just as I was about to press send. I used to be very independent and its been slipping away. I decided I can go there and ask myself, was I nervous? Yes, but thought worst case scenario they have plans and I cant borrow the little darling or they don't want me to borrow her so will pretend to have plans, not a big deal. Result? Everything was good and I went to the competition with my new best friend, hurrah!!!

2) I read the electric meter. Haha ok I know this sounds pathetic.... and it is!! I have a phobia that the creepy journalist next door is plotting to kill me. Well maybe not quite kill me but I am convinced that he dislikes me immensely. The meter is right outside his bedsit front door, and the door has no curtain so I fear he will either a) think I am spying on him and attack me unexpectedly, or b) open the door, drag me in and keep me prisoner in his basement. As pitiful as this sounds I have yet to admit this to anyone so for the last 12 months have been sending my flatmate or Phil to read the meters. NEWSFLASH - Jasmine grows some balls and reads her electric meter. I'm embarrassed by this revelation but sharing it as I feel most of the time (no matter how big or small) our fears seem irrational and silly to others. From now on if I am aware that any of my fears seem silly, or irrational, I will be facing them head on. No Excuses!

3) This one isn't so much stepping out of my comfort zone, more making a decision. I have become terrible at making decisions, I don't know how and when this started to happen but the past 12 months I have been shrugging my shoulders, stating "I don't care", "I don't mind" and pretending I am happy to do what everyone else wants to do. This is not me. So on Wednesday I told Phil we were going bowling and having takeaway noodles for tea. Nervous for his response to my new found voice I was half expecting him to protest, instead I got a simple "Sounds good babe". Wow it felt good too!!

So I'm 99% sure nothing in this post will blow your socks off or over inspire but this is my life and these are the few small steps I have taken in the past 3 days. In fact they are extremely small steps but honestly I am feeling heaps better in myself already. I am looking forward to throwing myself into the yoga next week and finally sorting my travel plans.

Hope your having a great day and doing whatever makes you a more confident and happy person :)

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