Friday, 19 July 2013

Back Cracking Experience

Yesterday’s yoga session was focused on alignment and as I was balancing myself sideways, wobbling uncontrollably and making the most elaborate facial expressions whilst trying to control my breathing, I listened to the instructor and attempted to tune into my spine and neck. I don’t know how or why but I decided my neck and back didn’t quite feel as aligned as I would like. One of them suggested going to the Chiropractor “they’re amazing” she assured me so I booked an appointment for this morning and sadly couldn’t contain my excitement as yet again I was taking action to improve my quality of life.

Now I’m not sure if I am naive or just plain stupid sometimes but I was quite under-prepared.  When I arrived the receptionist asks me what my injury is – shit, I didn’t realize I needed an injury, I just feel unaligned….. after procrastinating on whether to tell the truth and potentially be faced with an unsympathetic receptionist who doesn’t care if I feel unaligned, I decided to blame my boxing.
(Turns out I may not have been lying – the doctor of chiropractic informs me that holding the pads consistently in boxing for someone stronger than you (which is exactly the type of character I like to partner with) then returning with punching as hard as I possibly can is little more than repeated whiplash – makes sense I guess.

The receptionist then asks me to read a disclaimer that informs me of a very minuscule chance I may suffer a stroke or be seriously injured from my visit-  I have no idea what I thought I would experience over the next 15 minutes but it definitely wasn’t the medical practice I was expecting.  I sign my life away and become a little nervous on what I am about to endure.

The lovely doctor starts by pointing at some bones on a life size skeleton but I have no idea what he is talking about. He then sits me down and asks me to raise my arms up, at the same time he is pushing them down I have to resist and keep raising them. I do this whilst looking forward, easy! I do it again whilst looking right, this is stupid! I try it whilst looking left and my arms flop down like a ragdoll.. errr what… how? Apparently my left C bone or something is sticking out of my neck – I hadn’t noticed this before, well I can’t really see or feel it now but he assures me this is the cause. He then casually walks behind me and wraps his arms around my head and neck and promises me “this won’t hurt”. For a split second I actually think he is just going to break my neck and murder me, I am slightly shitting myself. Whoa! The noise that follows with his neck breaking movement is horrific, the major cracks I hear assures me he has done some permanent damage, in an uncontrollable reaction I jump up, state how horrible that was and ask what the hell just happened, he looks shocked, tells me I am welcome and that he has just explained it all and was there something I didn’t understand – hmmm… I kind of forgive him when he starts rubbing some substance (I’m assuming anti-flam to avoid the bruises) into the area because it actually feels quite good (I cannot resist a massage or anything that comes close, it can be from anyone, anywhere and I can not refuse) so I pretend it’s a little treat and conclude he can continue healing me. I apologize and move onto my back as instructed. I do a few leg raises and now he wants to realign my left hip because it is very restricted through my left bum cheek, well that what I assume he meant as he poked me bum cheek twice and said “hmmm.... yes, very restricted”. I lie sideways with my left leg bend over my right when he leans onto my left upper thigh, applies some pressure and then literally jumps on it, putting all his force and body weight onto me – I thank him and think how this is just another weird experience, in another weird week, in my weird life.

He promises me I will feel the benefits and tells me to return in 2 days. Apparently realigning, or cracking, your back into place or whatever medical term they use can treat a ridiculous amount of illnesses including stress, headache, sleeplessness, skin conditions and so much more! After the $75 charge (which nearly blew my socks off) I am now waiting to feel the benefits of latest quest for a better mind, body and soul!

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