So far this week has continued to progress well. I attended a Pilates class (by myself may I add) and another Yoga lesson. This time I didn't feel like such a newbie. Still couldn't bring myself to say Namaste at the end though. I also booked my overseas trip to Indonesia - 3 weeks to go AND found myself a friend who is joining me for the last 2 weeks of this trip, very excited!!
So as I continue to progress on my easier goals - I am still no closer to creating any writing to sell or earning an extra income. I was however thinking today about how I am focusing on new things to improve my quality of life, but this also forced me to review other things - silly, awkward, embarrassing things that I simply cannot change about myself no matter how hard I try.....
The first is my ability to be ready with plenty of time but just as I am about to leave the house find a million distractions that simply cannot wait. Let me give you an example - today for yoga I wanted to leave the house by 12 and was ready at 11.50. I had nothing to do so decided to go into town early and post one of recent eBay sales items to its new owner. As I head downstairs I decide I need the loo, so naturally, go to the loo. Then I have a slight thought that maybe left my hair straighteners on (I know I haven't), so run upstairs and check that they are off. They are - phew! I then decide to turn all my plugs off at the wall (why not save those extra pennies). Done. I then decide to look in the mirror - big mistake! I pull out my hairband and retie my hair - it looks exactly the same. I plug my GHD's back in and run them over my fringe - it looks exactly the same. I turn the straighteners off when I realize I am going to the gym and do not need to look good, I grab my bag and head downstairs. Shit did I turn them off? Run back upstairs - yes I did! Oh need to turn them off at the wall again too. I'm locking the door behind me when I remember the TradeMe item to post, run back upstairs grab the item which is next to my open laptop - ooh an email, not sure what possess me to think that this cannot wait, open email, read email, about to respond when I remember I am heading out. It's now quarter past - I've wasted 25 minutes, need to rush to Yoga and have achieved nothing, epic fail! I also do this often before a night out. I'll be standing at the door for 10 minutes yelling at Phil to hurry up and just as he goes to walk out the door I will think of a handful of things to check or do. I can imagine how annoying this is, however I am now starting to find his calculated frustration quite amusing, bad girlfriend!!
The second habit is more of a disorder. Its very rare and so far I have only met one other person who suffers with the same condition - Arm Tourettes. It mostly occurs when I am drinking wine, I can be chatting away to friends, or sometimes a complete stranger, when out of nowhere my uncontrollable hand throws the entire contents of my glass at either myself, or more often than not, directly in the face of the poor person standing in front of me. The embarrassing part is this happens most of the time when I am stone cold sober. I don't know what it is that causes the unexpected spasm, neither do I know how to cure myself from this terrible hindrance, but at least I am coming clean - I know there is a problem and beg for guidance from anyone who knows how to overcome this curse (and please don't say stop drinking wine, I'm not sure that is even possible).
There is another 'disorder' I suffer from, and although the above is extremely embarrassing, this one is just damn right cringey. For as long as I remember, every now and again I have the most horrific tendency to produce a small amount of saliva that flings itself (just like the wine) at poor unprepared people mid-sentence. Randomly there is only a couple of friends that notice this, or potentially only a couple of friends who have the guts to point it out. I blame it on my nationality, being Welsh the accent causes a lot of tongue rolling and emphasis on words. Its not my fault - its hereditary. As I mentioned there are only a selected few that feel they know me well enough to stop me mid-story, in front of others and proclaim "Jazz, you just spat at me!!!", I know I have done this, I am just praying that there is enough respect that everyone ignores it - like when a severely old woman drops a fart on the bus - its awkward, you want to laugh but know its better for everyone, and the poor lady's dignity if you just ignore it. There was one time, however when dignity could not prevail. I could hide my shame and keep this story to myself (and the few people I share my few dark secrets with) - but where's the fun in that? About 3 years ago I decided I needed to hire a new manager at work - someone to help me on the ground - working with all my employees in the immediate area, providing them with much needed support, and basically lightening my work load. I was pretty new at interviewing at this point and also had minimal guidance on advertising (due to a lack of a HR team at the time). My average job description and poor means of advertising the role returned only a few applicants and being extremely eager to fill the role (I have now learned to hire slowly) meant that I was a little too enthusiastic to find a suitable candidate. On my final interview of the day I sat in front of Claire, she was well presented, smart and funny and keen to re-enter the workforce after maternity leave, unfortunately she had zero experience in sales or management, in fact I have no idea why I was even interviewing her. I set about asking the standard questions "what do you know about our company", "what skills to you have to bring to the role" etc etc when five minutes later, suddenly, out of nowhere, in super slow motion I saw the slightest bit of spit travel from my lips at a painstakingly slow pace towards her face, God No, please don't see my saliva, look away look away, too late I could see her eyes following the white foamy matter, this is so awkward, but nothing could be as awkward as the next second when my flying ball of saliva landed slap-bang in the middle of her mouth, settling directly on her tongue. Oh Shit! What on earth do you say when you spit into a persons mouth during an interview? What can possibly save your pride and self respect? In my case the only words I could possibly muster were "I'm so so sorry.... I just spat in your mouth..... erm if you're keen I would love to offer you the job." What a fucking joke! I have never been so mortified in my life, nevertheless she took the role and 3 months later resigned to work in a bank - much better suited to her personality and skills and likely she now has a manager that doesn't spit in her face.
The last reflection I had today was my annoying habit of mentally trash talking anyone that I do not overly like but cannot avoid. Now I need to mention there are very few people who I dislike in the world, and even fewer who I see on a regular basis. However on the odd occasion that this happens the little devil pops into my head and forces me to replace what they're actually saying to what I wish them to be saying. There is a particular hairdresser (she's not my hairdresser but works in the same salon) who slept with an ex of mine a few years back. We were still together at the time so I have a particular dislike for this person. I'm not even sure if she knows who I am but whenever I walk into the salon and she is behind the desk I really struggle to hear anything she says. She can smile and tell me I am 5 minutes early and to have a seat, read a magazine and would I like a coffee.. instead I hear "I am dick, I am trailer trash and have 6 children by 6 different men. I am terrible in bed, I have extremely hairy armpit and I actually suffer from terrible B.O" I know at this point I am staring and cocking my head to the side because whatever she actually says is followed by a confused look, a shrug and a moonwalk into the back room where she hides until I am safely tied up in my black poncho and seated firmly in a chair. I need to note that I do not hate this woman and I'm not angry at her for her actions (in fact the cheating became a godsend because now I am no longer with the selfish, lying, cowardly arsewipe) but I was so upset and blamed this particular person for quite some time that disliking her is something I just cannot stop. As I said this happens with very few people but my inability to hear their actual words and replace them for fantasy talk takes over every time - and not to mention probably makes me look like a dick.
I'm quite aware of how much I am currently sharing but I am hoping that you are getting a sense of my personality and the slight things that take up my time on a day to day basis. These unlucky traits above are just to prove that everyone is slightly odd in their own unique way. In order to work on improving these area's I'd have to stop drinking, talking or going out anywhere!! At least I am aware of these god awful habits and can now shrug and simply think of how everyone has their own problems....
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
Friday, 28 June 2013
Small Steps
Its been 3 days since I publicly announced my goals and so far as well as inspiring others I am definitely feeling more alive (so to speak).
My meditation is going ok, just ok. I have been doing 10 minutes a day for the past 8 days. My brain is not getting any quieter but I am actually enjoying the time out and sitting still focusing on my breath and my thoughts.
The yoga is what I am most proud of. Yesterday I went to a class, I was super nervous and a little bit terrible. I can barely perform any of the excruciating moves and my weeny arms were shaking like they were about to crumble to dust. I had to keep turning round to see what everyone else was doing, therefore often losing my balance. I did not know how to perform The Warrior, Warrior 2, Dancing Warrior or whatever other warrior he was instructing us to be, but I tried and survived. If I am totally honest I even enjoyed it, especially at the end (although at the end you are cuddled under a blanket with your eyes closed just being still - that part was easy)! I do have to concentrate hard when everyone comes together and chants "Namaste", it takes everything I have not to laugh out loud. I don't know why I have the urge to burst into laughter when this happens but I do, so I need to focus and improve in this area. Then, as if it was a sign, today 5 yoga classes on Grabone. So I grabbed one. I've also been starting each morning with the following stretches http://99u.com/articles/6999/6-simple-yoga-stretches-for-daily-de-stressing The journey to understanding and learning yoga has began.
Other than the yoga I have failed miserably at the exercise this week, attending only 1 boxing class. Instead I have been stepping up and down on my bookshelf holding 2 x 2kg dumbbells - I get bored quickly and stop so next week I am committing to at least 3 boxing classes! I have also failed to progress on goals 4, 5 and 6, but as they say 'one step at a time'.
Other things I have done to step out of my comfort zone:
1) I turned up at my partners sister-in-laws house unannounced (whilst he was at work) asking to borrow her 18 month old daughter as an excuse to go the Winter Festival dog barking competition with someone (I never turn up alone, or unannounced). This may not sound like a big deal but I had written the text to Phil, "Please will you text and see if I can borrow Ruby this afternoon", and stopped just as I was about to press send. I used to be very independent and its been slipping away. I decided I can go there and ask myself, was I nervous? Yes, but thought worst case scenario they have plans and I cant borrow the little darling or they don't want me to borrow her so will pretend to have plans, not a big deal. Result? Everything was good and I went to the competition with my new best friend, hurrah!!!
2) I read the electric meter. Haha ok I know this sounds pathetic.... and it is!! I have a phobia that the creepy journalist next door is plotting to kill me. Well maybe not quite kill me but I am convinced that he dislikes me immensely. The meter is right outside his bedsit front door, and the door has no curtain so I fear he will either a) think I am spying on him and attack me unexpectedly, or b) open the door, drag me in and keep me prisoner in his basement. As pitiful as this sounds I have yet to admit this to anyone so for the last 12 months have been sending my flatmate or Phil to read the meters. NEWSFLASH - Jasmine grows some balls and reads her electric meter. I'm embarrassed by this revelation but sharing it as I feel most of the time (no matter how big or small) our fears seem irrational and silly to others. From now on if I am aware that any of my fears seem silly, or irrational, I will be facing them head on. No Excuses!
3) This one isn't so much stepping out of my comfort zone, more making a decision. I have become terrible at making decisions, I don't know how and when this started to happen but the past 12 months I have been shrugging my shoulders, stating "I don't care", "I don't mind" and pretending I am happy to do what everyone else wants to do. This is not me. So on Wednesday I told Phil we were going bowling and having takeaway noodles for tea. Nervous for his response to my new found voice I was half expecting him to protest, instead I got a simple "Sounds good babe". Wow it felt good too!!
So I'm 99% sure nothing in this post will blow your socks off or over inspire but this is my life and these are the few small steps I have taken in the past 3 days. In fact they are extremely small steps but honestly I am feeling heaps better in myself already. I am looking forward to throwing myself into the yoga next week and finally sorting my travel plans.
Hope your having a great day and doing whatever makes you a more confident and happy person :)
My meditation is going ok, just ok. I have been doing 10 minutes a day for the past 8 days. My brain is not getting any quieter but I am actually enjoying the time out and sitting still focusing on my breath and my thoughts.
The yoga is what I am most proud of. Yesterday I went to a class, I was super nervous and a little bit terrible. I can barely perform any of the excruciating moves and my weeny arms were shaking like they were about to crumble to dust. I had to keep turning round to see what everyone else was doing, therefore often losing my balance. I did not know how to perform The Warrior, Warrior 2, Dancing Warrior or whatever other warrior he was instructing us to be, but I tried and survived. If I am totally honest I even enjoyed it, especially at the end (although at the end you are cuddled under a blanket with your eyes closed just being still - that part was easy)! I do have to concentrate hard when everyone comes together and chants "Namaste", it takes everything I have not to laugh out loud. I don't know why I have the urge to burst into laughter when this happens but I do, so I need to focus and improve in this area. Then, as if it was a sign, today 5 yoga classes on Grabone. So I grabbed one. I've also been starting each morning with the following stretches http://99u.com/articles/6999/6-simple-yoga-stretches-for-daily-de-stressing The journey to understanding and learning yoga has began.
Other than the yoga I have failed miserably at the exercise this week, attending only 1 boxing class. Instead I have been stepping up and down on my bookshelf holding 2 x 2kg dumbbells - I get bored quickly and stop so next week I am committing to at least 3 boxing classes! I have also failed to progress on goals 4, 5 and 6, but as they say 'one step at a time'.
Other things I have done to step out of my comfort zone:
1) I turned up at my partners sister-in-laws house unannounced (whilst he was at work) asking to borrow her 18 month old daughter as an excuse to go the Winter Festival dog barking competition with someone (I never turn up alone, or unannounced). This may not sound like a big deal but I had written the text to Phil, "Please will you text and see if I can borrow Ruby this afternoon", and stopped just as I was about to press send. I used to be very independent and its been slipping away. I decided I can go there and ask myself, was I nervous? Yes, but thought worst case scenario they have plans and I cant borrow the little darling or they don't want me to borrow her so will pretend to have plans, not a big deal. Result? Everything was good and I went to the competition with my new best friend, hurrah!!!
2) I read the electric meter. Haha ok I know this sounds pathetic.... and it is!! I have a phobia that the creepy journalist next door is plotting to kill me. Well maybe not quite kill me but I am convinced that he dislikes me immensely. The meter is right outside his bedsit front door, and the door has no curtain so I fear he will either a) think I am spying on him and attack me unexpectedly, or b) open the door, drag me in and keep me prisoner in his basement. As pitiful as this sounds I have yet to admit this to anyone so for the last 12 months have been sending my flatmate or Phil to read the meters. NEWSFLASH - Jasmine grows some balls and reads her electric meter. I'm embarrassed by this revelation but sharing it as I feel most of the time (no matter how big or small) our fears seem irrational and silly to others. From now on if I am aware that any of my fears seem silly, or irrational, I will be facing them head on. No Excuses!
3) This one isn't so much stepping out of my comfort zone, more making a decision. I have become terrible at making decisions, I don't know how and when this started to happen but the past 12 months I have been shrugging my shoulders, stating "I don't care", "I don't mind" and pretending I am happy to do what everyone else wants to do. This is not me. So on Wednesday I told Phil we were going bowling and having takeaway noodles for tea. Nervous for his response to my new found voice I was half expecting him to protest, instead I got a simple "Sounds good babe". Wow it felt good too!!
So I'm 99% sure nothing in this post will blow your socks off or over inspire but this is my life and these are the few small steps I have taken in the past 3 days. In fact they are extremely small steps but honestly I am feeling heaps better in myself already. I am looking forward to throwing myself into the yoga next week and finally sorting my travel plans.
Hope your having a great day and doing whatever makes you a more confident and happy person :)
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
3 Month Goals
Right...... I have been granted (somehow due a miraculous demonstration of belief by my employer) some much needed time off work!! That's right... I have a ticket to do whatever I want and guess what two weeks have already flown by with minimal achievement so I have decided to set some short term goals to ensure I make the most of my new found freedom.
1) Learn to Meditate - I have a very very busy brain - literally it doesn't shut up! I am both inspired and haunted by my thoughts! Worst of all when I try to think of nothing, that is when EVERYTHING attempts to invade. I have signed up to getsomeheadspace.com and have a beginners guide to meditate. I am ready to clear the clutter in my head.
2) Learn Yoga - the hippy shit has never really interested me, but I am currently super aware of how calm and relaxed many of my yogi friends are. I want some of their Zen so I will try this to ease myself into tranquility
3) Loose the dimples in my thighs - I am secretly addicted to my boxing exercise class which I go to between 2 - 4 times a week. My upper body and arms are (excuse my arrogance) nicely toned, ass and thighs however- not so much. Therefore I will commit to daily leg exercises / moisturizing furiously into those areas to remove the evil bumps
4) Sell a piece of writing - Seven years ago I graduated with a BA Hons Journalism degree and although I never followed that path I want to write. When I put pen to paper, or start tapping away on my keyboard I get lost in a world that is all mine and I find it so liberating. I haven't sold any work for about six years so I'm going fire up the creative Jazz and attempt to sell a piece of work. What exactly I haven't decided yet....
5) Trip Overseas - Before I settled in New Zealand, I traveled through South East Asia alone. It was ok. I mean at the time it was AMAZING. However since then I have holidayed with friends and also boyfriends and it really is much better when you can share and relive that experience with someone else. I am aware though, that I need to get out of my comfort zone, dust off the backpack and venture off into the unknown and leave my poor boyfriend behind to worry. So despite my fear of being too old to go gallivanting alone, this week I will take the plunge and book a backpacking adventure.
6) Develop an Additional Income - So this goal has come from the too many self-help books I have read and a recent course I did regarding personal foundation. They state how important it is to find an income stream on top of your salary - that eventually requires little work, eventually helping you towards financial freedom. I am working towards achieving an additional $150 per week. Hopefully it could potentially tie in nicely with goal number 4.
So there they are - six fairly large (well I think so) goals that I hope to achieve by September. I might need some help and inspiration for some of these, but I am generally a pretty positive person and as Walt Disney once famously said "If you can dream it, you can do it".
Watch this space........... xxx
1) Learn to Meditate - I have a very very busy brain - literally it doesn't shut up! I am both inspired and haunted by my thoughts! Worst of all when I try to think of nothing, that is when EVERYTHING attempts to invade. I have signed up to getsomeheadspace.com and have a beginners guide to meditate. I am ready to clear the clutter in my head.
2) Learn Yoga - the hippy shit has never really interested me, but I am currently super aware of how calm and relaxed many of my yogi friends are. I want some of their Zen so I will try this to ease myself into tranquility
3) Loose the dimples in my thighs - I am secretly addicted to my boxing exercise class which I go to between 2 - 4 times a week. My upper body and arms are (excuse my arrogance) nicely toned, ass and thighs however- not so much. Therefore I will commit to daily leg exercises / moisturizing furiously into those areas to remove the evil bumps
4) Sell a piece of writing - Seven years ago I graduated with a BA Hons Journalism degree and although I never followed that path I want to write. When I put pen to paper, or start tapping away on my keyboard I get lost in a world that is all mine and I find it so liberating. I haven't sold any work for about six years so I'm going fire up the creative Jazz and attempt to sell a piece of work. What exactly I haven't decided yet....
5) Trip Overseas - Before I settled in New Zealand, I traveled through South East Asia alone. It was ok. I mean at the time it was AMAZING. However since then I have holidayed with friends and also boyfriends and it really is much better when you can share and relive that experience with someone else. I am aware though, that I need to get out of my comfort zone, dust off the backpack and venture off into the unknown and leave my poor boyfriend behind to worry. So despite my fear of being too old to go gallivanting alone, this week I will take the plunge and book a backpacking adventure.
6) Develop an Additional Income - So this goal has come from the too many self-help books I have read and a recent course I did regarding personal foundation. They state how important it is to find an income stream on top of your salary - that eventually requires little work, eventually helping you towards financial freedom. I am working towards achieving an additional $150 per week. Hopefully it could potentially tie in nicely with goal number 4.
So there they are - six fairly large (well I think so) goals that I hope to achieve by September. I might need some help and inspiration for some of these, but I am generally a pretty positive person and as Walt Disney once famously said "If you can dream it, you can do it".
Watch this space........... xxx
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Self Improvement
Welcome to my brand new blog.
After an entire year of rebuilding my life, after a particularly unexpected break up, I have found myself at a complete crossroads. I have been so focused on moving forward with life I have literally steam trained straight into a brick wall.
Don't get me wrong, life is good. Very good in fact. I live in a beautiful, small and fun town in the South Island of New Zealand. I have great friends, a loving boyfriend and prosperous career. I constantly carry a can-do, positive attitude and excitingly planning my future.
BUT....... (why is there always a but? One of my many flaws I am currently trying to fix) I just don't feel fulfilled. Something is missing and over the next few months I will be setting goals, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and trying new things in an attempt to unlock what tools I need to be a better version of myself.
In my inspiration page I will post quotes and photos to inspire and motivate and my Laugh out Loud page is designed to do just that - make you smile and simply brighten your day.
My next post will be short term goal setting, until then keep smiling.....
After an entire year of rebuilding my life, after a particularly unexpected break up, I have found myself at a complete crossroads. I have been so focused on moving forward with life I have literally steam trained straight into a brick wall.
Don't get me wrong, life is good. Very good in fact. I live in a beautiful, small and fun town in the South Island of New Zealand. I have great friends, a loving boyfriend and prosperous career. I constantly carry a can-do, positive attitude and excitingly planning my future.
BUT....... (why is there always a but? One of my many flaws I am currently trying to fix) I just don't feel fulfilled. Something is missing and over the next few months I will be setting goals, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and trying new things in an attempt to unlock what tools I need to be a better version of myself.
In my inspiration page I will post quotes and photos to inspire and motivate and my Laugh out Loud page is designed to do just that - make you smile and simply brighten your day.
My next post will be short term goal setting, until then keep smiling.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)